My Why: Self-awareness for a better world

Knowing Your Why

The first thing I encourage my clients to clarify before attempting any kind of behaviour change is their why. Why do you want it?

The same advice applies to startups building their brand story: Why do you exist? Why do you do what you do?

In the spirit of transparency and practicing what I preach, I’d like to share a bit of my own why.

There’s a Rumi quote that I love:

“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.”

At one time I at least felt clever, and I definitely wanted to change the world.

The more I learned about climate injustice, racism, and other social inequities, the more despair I felt and the more I tried to shout from the rooftops about how fucked up things were and what needed to change.

I spent years learning, sharing, and preaching my findings to friends and family. But I discovered a hard truth: people didn’t want to hear it.

Members of my own family dismissed me as crazy and impossible. They ridiculed me, gaslit me, and stood by as I faced a full mental collapse before they would take me seriously. It was one of the hardest episodes in my life and also one of the most pivotal.

I realised that trying to explain and convince others was draining me completely and causing me severe psychological distress. And from that place, what good could I do? Not much. So, I decided to do things differently: I started focusing on myself and how I lived my life.

Why I Do This Work

My work is rooted in the belief that we can only truly help others when we know how to care for and love ourselves.

The challenges we face as a society will require us to start making decisions from a place of love, connection, and collaboration, rather than fear, hate, or greed. That shift begins within. Until we learnt to face our fears we will continue to live in a way where our actions and behaviours are governed by them. And behaviour rooted in fear is harmful to ourselves and to everyone and everything around us.

When we heal our inner worlds, we naturally change our outward behaviours. Self-love, healing, and striving for optimal well-being are not selfish endeavours. They transform our lives so we stop projecting our pain.

Real Love Isn’t Performative

We’ve all encountered people who seem to “do good” for the sake of appearing good. Can you think of someone like that? How do they make you feel?

For me, those people feel confusing and impossible to trust.

When we act out of obligation or to look virtuous, resentment inevitably follows and people can sense it. Performative love is defensive, patronizing, and self-centered. When challenged, it often morphs into victimhood.

Wherever you encounter this kind of “love,” say no to it. Walk away. It's not real and no good can come from it.

Performative actions are fear-based.

Self-awareness helps us discern behaviour rooted in love from behaviour rooted in fear.

Self-Awareness Breeds Compassion

I believe self-awareness is the foundation of a better world.

When we take the time to understand our own fears, insecurities, and triggers, we stop projecting them onto others. We stop inflicting harm and we start spreading kindness and love instead. There’s a net positive impact.

Self-development is the most powerful contribution we can make. It’s the least selfish thing we can do.

When you take an honest look in the mirror and learn what you need and how to meet those needs yourself you stop unconsciously manipulating others to fulfill them for you.

I heal for my children, my friends, my future partner, and the people I’ve yet to meet. We know the saying, “hurt people hurt people.” Well the opposite is also true.

As we heal our pain, we gain the capacity to help others heal theirs. As we learn to love ourselves, we become better at truly loving others. We attract what’s right for us and peacefully let go of what’s not.

Our actions have impact. Heal for you, for them, for it all.

With truth and with love,

Jo x